Message:   Joe's favorite jokes

From: Joe     Sent: 20 Aug. 2000     Message 1 of 1

The chicken and the egg went to bed together. At one point one of them turned
to the other, and said, "well, that answered THAT question."

Two girls were riding their motorcycles down some back streets in Amsterdam.
One calls to the other, "I've never come this way before!" The other smiles
and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones!"

Why are women unable to blink their eyes during foreplay?
Not enough time.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because men fake foreplay.

There's this guy, Bob, who works in a pickle factory. One day he comes home
and says to his wife, "ever since I started working at the pickle factory,
I've had these compulsive urges to stick my penis into the pickle slicer."
His wife says, "you need help. You need to go to a doctor or something." Bob
replies, "no no, that would be too embarrassing. I can beat this on my own."
One day a few days later, Bob comes home early and says to his wife, "I did
it! I couldn't resist the urge any more. I stuck my penis into the pickle
slicer!" His wife says, "oh no, Bob! What happened?" Bob replies, "well, the
foreman came along and fired me." "But, but, how are you?" yells his wife.
"Are you OK, are you injured or anything?" Bob says, "well, I'm sort of
depressed, but don't worry, I can get another job." Bob's wife is really
upset, but she doesn't want to ask him directly about his penis, so she says,
"yes, yes, but how are you? I mean, what about the pickle slicer?" "Oh, the
foreman fired her too," says Bob.

A young lady goes to the doctor. "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me.
I have this terrible itching between my toes." So the doctor gets the young
lady to take off her shoes and stockings and he examines her feet. "I'm afraid
that I can't see anything wrong," he says. "But you're not looking in the
right place," the young lady says. "The itching is between my big toes."

Bette and her boyfriend Harry were in bed. Harry was giving Bette a hard time
because she never gave him any kind of indication of when she was coming.
"Bette, why don't you tell me when you're coming?" says Harry. "Because you're
so seldom present when it happens!" replies Bette.

A guy goes into a drug store and asks the clerk for three condoms. "Yes, sir,"
says the clerk, "we have a special price on colored condoms right now. What
colors would you like?" The man answers, "a red one, a yellow one and a green
one, please."
Ten months later the guy is back in the same drug store, and is served by the
same clerk. "I'd like a maternity bra," says the guy. "Yes, sir," says the
clerk, "what bust?" "The yellow one," replies the guy.

The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully
Year 2000 compliant.
In the light of this they have now renamed it: "Y2KY Jelly".
Said a spokesman: "The main benefit of this revision to our product is that
you can now insert four digits into your date instead of just two".

Why does it take a million sperm and only one egg?
Because they won't ask for directions.

An Eskimo has a breakdown - steam coming from under the hood of his car. So
he calls the repairman. The guy comes by with his truck and looks under the
hood. He says, "looks like you've just blown a seal". "No," says Eskimo,
"I've just been eating ice-cream!"

The lovely young lady is just getting out of the shower when there's a knock
at the door. She runs down the stairs without thinking, and asks "who is it?"
"It's the blind mand from the village," comes the answer. She can't find a
towel or anything to cover herself, but she figures, "well, if he's blind..."
and she opens the door. "Nice tits," he says, "and where do you want your
blinds?"

Here's another story about a woman who goes to visit her doctor.
"Doctor, doctor, you have to help me. I've lost all interest in sex. And now
my husband is losing interest in me," says the woman.
"We must do something about this!" says the doctor. "Fortunately, there is a
new experimental hormone treatment available that may help you. But I must
warn you, there may be some side-effects."
So the doctor treats the woman with this new medicine, and she goes home
again.
The next morning she telephones the doctor, very agitated.
"Doctor, doctor, the medicine worked - I'm feeling very randy. But the side
effects are awful! There are two major side-effects. Let me tell you first
about the lesser of these two side-effects. I have hair all over my chest!"
The doctor says, "hair all over your chest? That does sound bad. Now before
I ask you about the other side effect, let us just determine the extent of
this first side-effect. How far down on your chest do you have this hair?"
The woman replies, "all the way down to my balls!"

A guy carrying a walking stick walks into a bar together with a gorilla. They
sit down on a couple of bar stools, and the guy orders a whisky for himself
and a beer for the gorilla. The bartender asks him, "why do you hang out with
that gorilla?" "Oh, this is no ordinary gorilla," replies the guy. "This
gorilla has been trained. If you hit him over the head with a stick then he
gives you a blow job. Here, let me show you!"
So the guy hits the gorilla over the head with his walking stick, and the
gorilla sort of shakes its head, then it pulls down the guy's zipper and
pulls out his cock and gives him a blow job!
"Ahh," says the guy, zipping up his pants again, "that was really good!" He
looks at the bartender and says, "would you like to try it?"
"Yeah, OK," says the bartender, "but look, don't hit me so hard with your
stick, OK?"

There's this high-society lady in Paris shopping for a new dress at one of
the top fashion houses in Paris. She's found a dress that she likes, and
she's put it on, but she's a bit worried that maybe the plunging neckline is
a bit too daring for her. She says to the salesman, "Antoine, tell me, what
do you think, does the plunging neckline on this dress go down too far for
this dress to suit me?"
Antoine looks at the woman and says, "tell me madame, do you have hair on
your chest?"
The lady is rather insulted by this question and says, "of course I don't
have hair on my chest! Why on earth do you ask such a silly question?"
"Well," says Antoine, "if madame does not have hair on her chest then I'm
afraid that the plunging neckline on that dress does go down too far for it
to suit you!"