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Message: Seeking advice

From: weener Sent: 19 Dec. 2001 Message 1 of 20

Hi,

first of all please excuse my english and the mistakes in this message, english is not my "motherlanguage".

Well, on to the problem. I have been reading a lot of postings in this group and I am astonished how many wifes or girlfriends brought up fisting in their relationship. Talking about my wife, I dont think she would ever have the courage to tell me that she would like to try fisting. Was this really so easy to you girls? You have not been ashamed for this special desire? Dont get me wrong, I dont want to say that you should be! It´s just that I see in my relationship how difficult it can be to talk about such delicate things. My wife is 30 and I really love to lick her pussy. In fact we do this every time we have sex because she does seldom come during intercourse. Some time ago I sarted to play with my fingers in her pussy while licking her. She loved it and came very hard. Well, I was allways interested in this stretching thing and so I started to giver her more and more. She never refused or told me to stop. Meanwhile she takes my hand without the thumb pretty easy. I love it, and I would love to fist her! But we still have not talked about it. She is very shy in the sex departmen and I fear her reaction if I ask her about her feelings on pussy stretching. I think she likes it very much because she is a very strongminded person who would tell everything she does not like right at the point. She does not like to talk about sex, or well lets say she does not like to talk about anything that could be irregular. Asking her about stretching could lead us to a point where she refuses to enjoy this anymore. I also think that she fears to hurt me by saying that she likes her pussy to be stretched to the limit. I am not overly endowed and she is the type of woman who tells me that any woman could be satisfied with a small finger.
Well, I really long to speak with her about this and dont know how to start. I also think it is absolutly neccesary to speak with her about it for any further progress in this game. Yes, she takes more almost every time, but I think it is not a goog idea to try fisting without her beeing aware of this attempt. This should not be a surprise to her and I dont know if she is thinking about the possibility to insert my whole fist into her vagina. I have pretty big hands and we have almost reached the point were I can also insert my thumb. I am affraid to go further without her acceptance but how do you get a shy woman to jump over her shadow and tell you her deepest and best hidden fantasys. Ok, lets put the question easyer. How did you start to talk about the possibility of fisting?

Greetings to all
weene

From: zappaz1 Sent: 19 Dec. 2001 Message 2 of 20

Weener,

Your question is a common one. Many women will not instigate the subject and depend on the male to do the talking... even if they enjoy stretching very much.

First of all it is very important that she know you enjoy and even love doing vaginal stretching. Once she knows that, over half the goal is accomplished.

You can do this by repeatedly telling her, during every session, your own feelings about loving her large pussy and how it stimulates you to see her stretch. If she accepts this... which is very likely... you can then start reporting to her about her stretching progress. After she has an orgasm, complement her on the 'new' stretching she did, and tell her how it stimulated you. Make sure that she can stretch a little more than the fingers size you mention (by stretching downward and to the sides each session, to get extra room) until you are almost sure you whole hand will slip inside easily. If there is complaint of discomfort, go slower, but strive for a tiny bit of new stretching each session. By doing this, she will get the idea and soon be anticipating the whole hand. Even if your wife does not mention inserting the entire hand, if you find there is then plenty of room without discomfort, you will be able to painlessly insert your hand and she will find out how great the pleasure is. It is _only_ necessary to ask her about doing fisting if the hand will not insert easily.

If doing routine vaginal exams a much better exam can be done with the entire hand inside the vagina, but I never inserted mine unless it went in without ANY resistance. That way NOBODY ever complained-- at all-- and that means thousands-- usually several each week for many many years without a single complaint.

There is a good chance that by mentioning her stretching progress each session, the subject of fisting will come up in a pleasant way. The important thing is to make progress along this line for some distance before you use the word fisting. That way she will fully understands your love of vaginal stretching and participate. I think she will respond well to this and you both will soon be enjoying vaginal fisting.

Best wishes

From: Joe Sent: 20 Dec. 2001 Message 3 of 20

Weene,

Lack of communications about sex is (unfortunately) very common. You know your wife and I don't so I'm doubtful that suggestions I could give are apt to be valid.

Have you and your wife ever looked at pornographic magazines or videos or web sites together? Fisting material is available on all of these, and could lead to talk about fisting. If you've never done this together before perhaps start by asking if that is OK and start by looking at fairly "tame" porn together instead of going directly to fisting porn.

Make sure that when you start talking about sex with your wife that you make it clear that you do love her and are not dissatisfied so your desire to talk about sex isn't taken as a threat to your relationship. Also emphasize that your desire to talk about sex is largely due to your desire to make her as happy as possible, happier than your present non-communicating situation allows.

Hope this is of some use.

Yours,
Joe

From: weener Sent: 20 Dec. 2001 Message 4 of 20

Hi again,

thanks for answering me! I am happa to hear that the problem "how to start" is not that uncommon. But I am still not that sure about her reaction when telling her that I lover her large pussy. Yes in fact I really love her large pussy but I dont know her reaction about the word large in context with her pussy. What I want to say is that we trained women over generationes to the fact that a nice pussy is a small and tight one. No wonder that most of the women belives this and would take a " you have a wonderfull large pussy" as a offend. Isn´t it a litte bit like telling a man that he has a wonderfull tiny stiffy and hoping that he would take it as a compliment? I would be very interested to the womens point of view on this.

Joe, well yes and no. It is not a real problem of communication. We talk about sex. But anything which seems to be "not normal" is of limits. And for porn movies, uh oh not that good idea. Maybe if you could tell me one that does not treat or show women as stupid meat which loves to be treated like a dog and drinks sperm like limonade.

Greetings
weener

From: Joe Sent: 21 Dec. 2001 Message 5 of 20

Weener,

Glad to hear that you and your wife do talk about sex to some extent. There are, unfortunately, couples that can't talk about it at all.

Don't know what else to suggest, except perhaps buying the book "A Hand In The Bush" about fisting and showing it to your wife. Also, about your analogy of you saying you like a large pussy to a woman saying she lakes a small dick: a better analogy might be that some men like large breasts and some men like small breasts. Tell your wife that you're like the men who love large breasts except for you it's the pussy that you like being large :-)

Joe

From: Kayser Soze Sent: 21 Dec. 2001 Message 6 of 20

If you would allow me to put in my thoughts....

As far as bringing up sex topics that are "not normal", I agree it can be difficult. My wife and I got "lucky" because for a short period of time we were to living in the same town. We spent lots of time talking on the computer. Typing over instant messenger proved to be easier, and we were able to discuss sexual topics that we could not discuss in person as easily.

I totally concur with Zappas as far as complimenting your wife OFTEN. My wife has made comments about not being as tight as she used to be, and I reassure her every time that I love her exactly how she is and that I would not want it any other way.

I think the porno movie idea is not a bad one. To answer your question about movies where the woman is not treated like a piece of meat..... that's easy.... let your wife choose the movie, and look at full feature movies, not movies like Max Harcore and Cum Suckers volume 10. My point is, men and women do NOT rent the same kind of porn, so yeild to her desires.

Soz

From: Kayser Soze Sent: 22 Dec. 2001 Message 7 of 20

Oh yeah, thanks Joe I nearly forgot. I approached the subject the first time by purchasing the book "A Hand in the Bush" and reading (looking through) it with my wife. That worked great. The book is very simply written with a general tone intended to interest a fisting virgin to fisting.

Soze

From: weener Sent: 22 Dec. 2001 Message 8 of 20

Hi again,

thanks for all your suggestions. At the moment my biggest wish is to understand her feelings in this whole story. Its pretty difficult. On the one hand she is very shy and some sort of prude and on the other hand she really likes this stretching thing. I think she is sometimes a little bit affraid of herself and therefore does not like to talk about it. Talking about ít would make it more real and would lead her to a point where she would have to "confess" "unsusual" longings. Belive me, I do not fail to asure her that I love her in any way she chooses.

I would be very interested to hear some female toughts about this. Zappaz1, did I get this right, you are working as a doctor for gynecology?

Greetings an Merry Christmas to all of you!

weener

From: zappaz1 Sent: 23 Dec. 2001 Message 9 of 20

retired... after many many years.

From: weener Sent: 23 Dec. 2001 Message 10 of 20

Hi zappaz1,

yes I know, there is no women in generall, but do women tend to be worried about their vagina size? Have you been asked about this?

Greetings weener

From: zappaz1 Sent: 23 Dec. 2001 Message 11 of 20

Weener,

Over the years, I found that women worried more about their partner's 'opinion' of their vaginal size than their own opinion.

By that, I mean they did not worry about being large as long as their partner preferred them being quite large. That is the very reason I mentioned it is quite important that YOU make it perfectly clear to your wife that you love the large size (and even the larger the better) as far as you are concerned.

That way there is no problem about your wife worrying about being very large... unless she is is 'searching' for other partners who she thinks might not like her large vaginal size. Of course large vaginal size can always be fixed surgically if she were to find a partner that did not like her large vaginal size.

I have had to do pelvic surgery on many ladies for reasons other than vaginal size who had huge vaginal openings. At the same surgery I had the option to tighten the vagina. I found that it is important to discuss this size question with their partners (usually husband). In many cases, the husband did not want their vaginal opening 'tightened' during that surgery (which I could have easily done). In discussing this with the lady she always deferred to whatever her partner wanted! I find that most women want to please their partners... as well as themselves.

I actually know of a few doctors who have been sued for tightening a vaginal opening without permission from both the lady and her husband... and was asked to testify in one case. Fortunately that case was settled without having to go to court. I certainly would not tighten a vagina without permission.

It is my firm opinion that most ladies do not mind (and even enjoy) having a large vagina (sometimes even a very large vagina) as long as their partner prefers them to be large... as this condition usually allows them to have increased stimulation with painless stretching and even stronger orgasms.

Good luck with your relationship. It seems to me you have little to loose... by being honest with your wife about your feelings. Most women can accept such loving honest feelings.

From: mandyln2001 Sent: 28 Dec. 2001 Message 12 of 20

Hey weener,
My husband and I have a great relationship, and we communicate very well, we got interested in fisting after we saw a video on the internet, and I think that it is in this community, but I wanted to try it so we did and we love it! The only thing I can suggest it to just ask her if she would like for you to go futher than just fingers, and tell her that you have been reading alot on fisting, and how wonderful the women love it. I hope things work out for you, and remember you sometimes have to take rejection, to find out something, I mean all she can say is no, that wouldnt be the end of the world would it?
Mandy

From: weener Sent: 30 Dec. 2001 Message 13 of 20

Hi again,

sorry for not answering the last few days, but we have been on a christmasroundtrip to both our familys. Thank you again for answering my questions an for your nice advice.

Ok, I think I got the point. As long as she feels that I love her just the way she is there should not be to much problems. But if I tell her that I love her pussy large and would love it if she gets even bigger, I am perfectly sure she would ask me one question. Why? Ok, to be honest, I love the look, the feeling of putting my fingers in her and the wonderfull orgasms which she is having while beeing stretched to the limit. I also love the feeling of very less friction when sinking my dick in her used and completly wet pussy. It is a kind of humiliation which I really love, but dont know how to describe. She will for sure ask me why I want her pussy getting large when this leads to less friction while having intercourse.

I am wondering how all the couples who enjoy regular fisting sessions are handling this. Sure, their are kegel exercises, but as far as I can see in the moment the vagina gets not only more elastic, but also bigger. So what are you doing when not beeing hung like a horse. For me this is perfectly fine because I love it exactly this way, but I would understand if she wants to have more friction. Is this a problem for some fisting couples? How do you cope with it?

Greetings to all

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

weener

From: Kayser Soze Sent: 30 Dec. 2001 Message 14 of 20

As for us, we don't "cope" at all. We both thoroughly enjoy our sex life, and it has never been better. My wife has never complained or mentioned that she would like more friction. In fact, with her vagina looser, she gets less sore and we have sex more often and for longer times.

If you want to mix it up and have it feel tighter for a session, have her put her legs together while you have sex. Or go from the side and have her cross her legs. These both serve the purpose.

As far as answering her question as to why you like her large. I think you answered it nicely right here. Say that to her passionately, and she'll be on board in a heatbeat.

Soze

From: zappaz1 Sent: 30 Dec. 2001 Message 15 of 20

Weener,

The two questions 1.) about friction (or tightness), and 2.) about 'why' are simple ones.

Friction or tightness... if that is desired... is easy, using a spoon position with one hand inside the vagina and the penis inserted alongside the hand at the same time. I have used that method and it is very satisfactory.

'Why' is just giving an honest loving answer, such as: "Your big vagina makes me very hot even though I have no logical reason".

From: Joe Sent: 1 Jan. 2002 Message 16 of 20

Regarding friction (or lack of friction) I can tell what our situation is.

From Cindy's point of view she has no problems with there being very little friction. Her vagina is apparently very sensitive, and she says she can feel me inside her very well even when I can hardly feel it. I'm guessing this is typical for women, but I don't know for sure.

From my point of view there are two points to be made. They say the most sensitive erogenous zone is between the ears. For me this is true - it's largely my thoughts and fantasies during lovemaking, not the physical friction, which excite me to an orgasm. So feeling that Cindy's vagina is so big that I can hardly feel whether I'm inside her or not is such a turn-on for me that it is almost enough to make me come.

The second point is that we usually end our lovemaking in missionary position but with my right arm down around Cindy's buttock and my fingers or sometimes my whole hand inside her along with my penis. So I'm using my fingers or my hand partly to feel how big Cindy's vagina is (feeding the brain) and partly to apply some friction to my penis.

From: weener Sent: 2 Jan. 2002 Message 17 of 20

hi all,

this is really a great place. I am totally surprised how open and helping dicussions in this community are handled. It´s also helping that there are no crazy assholes disturbing all the time like in many other places. Great work!

Thanks again for all the information you provided. Just one mor thing. How do you get your hand in the vagina of your partner in a spoon or missionary position. I am sorry, but I can not imagine how this can work in a comfortable way. Are their any pics showing this? I like to put some fingers beside my penis when my wife is up, but this is not really relaxed because she can´t sit down on the full length.

I am also very happy to hear that others also enjoy the feeling of very less friction in the vagina of their wifes. I am new into this and I am also a little bit worried about my own sexual fantasys. So it´s pretty hard to explain, especially in english. Joe, I can absolutly understand your point of view and agree that the most erogenous zone is between the ears. My wife did not complain on a lack of friction till now. So I guess that she feels me sometimes more than I could imagine or she just likes to fuck for romantic reasons. I think it´s more the second thing because she never had a orgasm with me during "normal" intercourse. She just likes to be fucked, but does not do it for her satisfaction. Well, as I said, this is really hard to explain. What´s your kick if your wife is very loose? Do you like to be teased or even humiliated about it? For me, I love the look of my wife when reaching a very intense orgasm. The idea that she even accepts some (in her eyes for sure very) kinky things to get this special orgasm. And, last but not least, the hope that she could sometimes make a comment on me beeing not very well endowed.

Greetings to all

weener

From: psyfstr2 Sent: 2 Jan. 2002 Message 18 of 20

Hi weener,
Maybe I can help by recounting my own "firsthand" (pun intended) experience. I LOVE fisting and began stretching my wife about two years ago. I quickly worked up to fisting her and she clearly loved it as much as I did. I fisted her regularly but we NEVER talked about it. I was afraid to breech the subject for fear that she may get embarrassed and not let me do it again. Then, just about four weeks ago, out of the clear blue sky, she asked mr during an ALWAYS hot fisting session if I was fisting her. That opened the door and we started talking about it and the sex is even BETTER!!! I let her know how sexy I think her HUGE cunt is and she let me know she loves it too. I asked zappazz for some stretching advice on here several months ago and I really respect his opinions. I am STILL working on getting a double fisting of my beautiful wife. I hope it happens someday. She is 5'7" 115 lbs and 34b-24-34, so she is quite petite. Ever since she broke the ice on the subject, we have been experimenting much more. For example, the other night, I was straddling her face getting a blow job, holding the back of her head with one hand while I was fully punching my other clenched fist in and out. AWESOME! I no longer feel like I have to be secretive since we began communicating and she has even started to play with her clit while I fist her. Hopefully this will lead to even more sexy things. So, my advice to you is to hang in there and play it by ear. If you begin fisting her, just keep saying how sexy she is and let it come. At least it worked for me. GOOD LUCK!

From: weener Sent: 3 Jan. 2002 Message 19 of 20

Hi psyfstr2,

I know what you meen! Yes it´s very close to what we are playing at the moment. I also fear that she could get emberassed and does not want to do it anymore. And I really long for a open talk with her about that subject. We are going for holiday for one week now and maybe there will be a chance to go deeper into this. We will see. I searched for zappazz stretching advice but did not find it. Could you please post his tips here again?

Thanks

weener

From: Jman Sent: 5 Jan. 2002 Message 20 of 20

Hi Psyfstr2,

just read your post above and saw where you mentioned you were "fully punching your clenched fist in and out" of your wife's pussy. I have heard about people doing this before and find it very fascinating, and I would imagine that you would have to stretch her pusssy pretty big first to be able to do that. How long have you been able to do that? I would love to hear more about how you were able to work up to doing that. Did you keep your fist balled up the whole time as you pulled it all the way out then pushed or punched it back in still balled up? Thanks, Jman