Message:   Common Question.."How To"

From: zappaz1     Sent: June 8, 2000     Message 1 of 4

I receive a lot of e-mail "how to" questions. The most common one goes like this:

"My husband gets in up to his knuckles but no farther... what do we do now?"

The usual thing is the couple uses a water soluble (KY) type lubricant and then press in or rotate the fingers which causes the muscles to tighten up (occasionally this works).

The vaginal opening is surrounded with a group of muscles (pubococcygeus, levator ani, etc.) which often contract and shorten, instead of relax and stretch. Part of this is mental.

The most successful relaxing and stretching is done by using the lubricant and as many fingers as are comfortable and then pressing downward for some time. Massaging down and to the sides while pressing down is even better sometimes. Slightly cupping the inside fingers and pulling outward a little against the rim is also conducive to stretching. All this is now being recommended in OB studies to try before vaginal deliveries to prevent episiotomies and tearing at birth (see references on this club).

In doing pelvic exams, holding a steady non-painful downward pressure, with no movement, for over a minute often allows an amazing amount of relaxation and opening of the vaginal orifice. Most doctors do not give the muscles time to relax and stretch in doing their exams, and they have a much more difficult and painful exam because they did not let the patient relax.

One club member mentioned her doctor did not take the time to relax her, and then told her she might have to have vaginal dilation (stretching) :-) The same member can easily stretch enough for double fisting when her strong muscles are given time to relax. Most doctors are clueless as to how much their patient's vaginas will stretch... lol.

The point of all this is that vaginal stretching takes time, and relaxation, and patience, and love, and mutual trust.

If it is something you feel you must do... then
do it right. If there is some reason that might be a contraindication to doing it.. like previous surgery, fragile tissue, past radiation treatments, or just any question.. find a knowledgeable doctor and ask him/her first.

Good luck, be good to each other, and enjoy life.

zappaz1@excite.com