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Message: Can you help??

From: keepme2000 Sent: December 24, 1999 Message 1 of 15

I have a problem getting my wife into fisting. I haven't asked her outright to try it but over a long 2 years I have gone from a little bit of fingering to getting all four of my fingers inside her. It really started with me using baby oil and two fingers from each hand. I would spread her apart, in the 69 position, while I licked her. I have finally gotten three and sometimes 4 fingers from each hand inside her but she remains too tight to get past the knuckles of just one hand. To explain her a little, she doesn't really like the stretching. She complains it hurts sometimes and just tells me not to pull her apart at all. I have always thought that I was really setting her up for a fist but it isn't really working unless she helps. This is the problem entirely. She doesn't know what I'm up to. I know that she would freak out if I told her I aim to fist her and make it a part of our sex. I used to joke about getting her a dildo and she would say that that was sick and perverted and until today I really cannot bring that up. She does like the fingers inside her to a point but when there is a little pain she chickens out and pulls my hands away. She hasn't out right told me to not put my fingers inside her but she acts like she can live without it even though it makes her cum hard.

(con't)

From: Joe-CindyAndJoe Sent: December 25, 1999 Message 2 of 15

Can you help?? (Part 2)

(originally posted by Keepme2000 as a separate thread)

We have two kids and although she isn't as tight as she was before them she still seems too tight to enjoy a hand inside. I don't understand why I can't get past the knuckle from my pointing finger next to the palm. She opens up pretty big from what I can see when I spread her with the fingers from both my hands but it doesn't seem to stay spread when I shove my fingers in. It just stops at the knuckles. My fingers push her also but that's because I can't curl them. They just stay straight. I know that she is kind of embarrassed at the fact that she can open up real easy. She has a cute little hole when she is in a warm tub and I can easily put four fingers in but when it hits the beginning of the palm it stops, or she stops it. I really can't tell.

Anyway, do you have any suggestions on how I can convince her it is a natural thing and to help me put my fist in or is her bone structure all wrong for it or what? I'm confused because she squeezed out two boys yet she can't or won't take my hand inside her.

-Thanks

From: Joe-CindyAndJoe Sent: December 25, 1999 Message 3 of 15

Hi Keepme2000,

First off, I hope you don't mind me re-posting your message as a single thread instead of two.

I'll try to answer your question, although I'm afraid that you're not going to like my answer. (Cindy is very busy, this being Christmas, but I'll try to get her to answer you too in a couple of days. She's the smart one of the two of us, so she will probably have a more useful answer.)

I see the key statement in your question to be this one: "I haven't asked her outright to try it..."

Trying to fist your wife without telling her what you're trying to do is NOT a good idea. Fisting has to be done as a team project that you are both working on, and in fact your wife should be the team leader and calling the shots.

If you and your wife do not communicate openly about sex then you have a huge problem in this connection. Depending on your backgrounds, sex may be a subject that is way off bounds for open discussion, which is really sad, seeing as how sex is so natural, and one of the most important and powerful forces in human lives.

So my advice to you is to (temporarily) drop the idea of fisting your wife and start a new project: Learn to talk openly about sex with your wife and get her to talk openly about it too. This can be VERY difficult, and may even be impossible - I worry that what I'm recommending here could be a threat to your (presumably) otherwise good marriage.

I must admit that being 100% open about our sexuality was VERY, VERY tough for me the first time I practiced it (my previous marriage), and for Cindy (our marriage). But if/when you achieve it, the quality of life and your relationship becomes MUCH better. You achieve a new kind of closeness and love and self-confidence.

.. to be continued (this 2000 character limit is SO silly)

From: Joe-CindyAndJoe Sent: December 25, 1999 Message 4 of 15

... continuation ...

How you go about this I don't know. You know your wife and must have some ideas. Maybe sex books, maybe even a marriage counselor. Just try to make her realize that it is very important for you that you achieve this openness about your sexualities and your sex life, and presumably she loves you enough to make the effort, if you don't get too impatient.

And to get back to your immediate question, I'd like to opine that even if you did manage to fist your wife without her realizing that this was your intention, that that too could threaten your marriage. I'm afraid that she might really freak out about what had happened and lay down the law: "no more fingers or no more sex". Then where would you be?

Good luck.

Yours,
Joe

From: keepme2000 Sent: December 26, 1999 Message 5 of 15

I guess the key here is team. She really just has a hard time trying new things. I had to introduce her to cunnilingus. She thought I was nuts when I suggested it and I really had to show and tell her how but she finally started to enjoy it and now she can't live without it. I have talked to her about using a dildo or a vibrator and she thinks it's wierd just like other new things we used to try. I know that I should really start here before bringing up fisting.
I really literally have to just do it. Meaning if I wait for her to say, "Oh go ahead and buy one we'll try it," it will never happen. But I bet if I bring it to bed she will give all the dirty looks and say don't but when she tries it I'll bet she will really like it and get used to it.
That's just how she has always been.

She does get embarrased at the subject of using toys. But she was embarrased at licking each other at first also.

Can you ask Cindy what she thinks. Being a woman and all, maybe she knows what my wife is thinking and maybe she can throw some ideas my way. I want to introduce toys but I'm a little embarrased myself only because my wife makes me feel that way.

-Thanks

From: UsManiacs Sent: December 26, 1999 Message 6 of 15

My 2 cents as a woman:
What Joe said was exactly on the mark. There HAS to be open communication about sexual issues before going any further. Ok, some women just don't seem able to open up this way (especially if they have a strict catholic upbringing and a nice-girls-dont-do-it attitude, which is very real and sometimes difficult to overcome).
I feel this woman is acting out that belief--nice girls don't let guys eat their pussy, nice girls don't use sex toys, etc. With good communication between both of you, she may be able to overcome this belief and change it to a more open attitude. Or, maybe not. She might be happy thinking that way and unwilling to change her opinions of sex.
If and when you're ever able to talk about this, then it's possible she might eventually want to try fisting KNOWINGLY and will be able to relax enough to allow your hand to come inside of her fully. If she's not willing, it won't happen without damaging her physically (tears, rips, etc).
One other note, I know that having my pussy opened up and exposed to the air the way you describe is very uncomfortable. It's drying and sometimes the air is trapped inside which also doesn't feel good to me. I would not at all like that approach to fisting. I much prefer a man use his fingers in progressively larger numbers, giving me an orgasm on each before trying to add another finger. In this way my pussy relaxes and lubricates itself and each time I have sex I am able to enjoy more and more until the fist is fully inside (I am speaking of back when I was 1st trying to fist and I KNOWINGLY allowed it and wanted it to happen, it still took time and patience and my cooperation as well).

It will help if you can use toys as well since then you can progress to bigger and bigger toys--a good inflatable would allow progressive stretching without being too intimidating I would imagine.

My 2 cents.
Gina

From: gharvey9 Sent: December 26, 1999 Message 7 of 15

I will second that Gina and Joe, my hubby and I have discussed it, laughed about it looked at pics on the subject ect, I didn't think that I could possibly take a mans hand vaginally or anally but over a 2 year period of slowly increasing the depth and width we were succcessful, Wow how wrong was I, I thought it would hurt like hell and was unnatural to take something that size, but the intensity of the orgasm that follows and the heavenly look on hubby's face at the time says it all. I can only tell you my opinion and it is you MUST talk to her more on the subject, if my hubby tried to sneak the idea onto me I would be terrified at the time, but like I said with a lot of laughing at pics and seeing that some of the women that can take a hand are only built tinny, "I am rather cuddley" I relaxed and the end result is heaven. I know I must sound like a recording but the most intense thing about my sexual relationship with my hubby is that we have a mutual trust and a hell of a lot of eye contact during our love making and he listens to my breathing pattern and a tap on his hand is all I need to do to indicate don't go any further until I am accustomed to the stage "at hand"lol.When I am taking the size easily he then increases it in depth or width, then when that full hand finally slides all the way I I I I must go now and find my man.
GOOD LUCK, Lyn

From: anderson_sandi Sent: December 27, 1999 Message 8 of 15

I agree with the others, unless you talk to her, it is never going to happen.

My husband spoke to me about it away from the bedroom, the conversation got around to sex and what we'd like to try. He mentioned it with no strings attached in an environment where I didn't feel threatened. A couple of days later when I was alone I found myself thinking about it, and quite enjoying what I was thinking.

The next time we were in bed, I suggested that we have a go, it took several attempts over many months; I think the key words are trust, communication and love. ONe of the best ways for a woman to be relaxed is for us to feel safe and secure, and to know that if we want to stop we only have to ask our partner.

So talk to her....

Sandi

From: Cindy-CindyAndJoe Sent: December 27, 1999 Message 9 of 15

Hi Keepme2000,

The other girls haven't left me much to say :-)

But here goes anyway: You aren't going to get anywhere until you and your wife have learned to talk about sex. First in a general way, and later specifics, what you like, fantasies, dreams, turn-ons, etc.

Only you can find out if that's possible.

Maybe start with some erotic photos, aesthetically pleasing and non-threatening and NOTHING advanced going on. (Something that you as a man will probably consider to be totally boring :-) Take it from there.

Remember that for most women sex is a very emotional thing, not so physical. To talk about it is to bare your soul.

Good luck.

Yours,
Cindy

From: keepme2000 Sent: December 28, 1999 Message 10 of 15

Thank you for your responses. Everyone here is wonderful. I do realize that I need to talk more openly about my fantasies. She is kind of funny in the sense that she gets embarassed about talking about certain things like dildoes and vibrators but because of the fact that we can bring it up shows a lot of hope. I feel like her problem is that she thinks that nice girls don't do things like this. She is not catholic or anything like that but she just has an idea that toys are not natural. I'll try talking to her more on the subject of my fantasies but at first I think that it will have to stay within the dildoe and vibrator realm at first.

-Thanks

From: myepost Sent: December 29, 1999 Message 11 of 15

I also have found it hard to convince any woman that many men prefer a big pussy rather than a tight one. They tend to think that I'm just being kind. I dont know what it is in our culture that says that a tight pussy is better?
Mike

From: UsManiacs Sent: January 4, 2000 Message 12 of 15

Keepme,
You said she doesn't think toys are natural, so that's an even bigger incentive for fingering and fisting since it is YOU and is natural :)
But talk to her about it, perhaps watch a video of it together (my fisting videos are couples-focused more than most), etc. I remember back when I wanted to get my ex-husband into swinging I started by saying things like "Did you hear so and so are swingers, what do you think of that?" I bought swinger videos by Nina Hartley, and watched them with him and discussed the types of swinging I thought were sexy, etc. It eventually worked and he agreed to try it--but it turned out he never actually wanted to do it, he just did it for me. Our sexual differences were so bad we ended up divorcing and we're both still friends and much happier in our new marriages.
You have a long ways to go and it starts with the 1st step. Enjoy the journey :)
Gina

From: C90Go Sent: January 8, 2000 Message 13 of 15

As far as Shannon & I were concerned, Iwas the one who initially introduced fisting in the form of European videos. She thought that it was erotic, however the way that these videos portray the woman is often degrading & it is not clear that she is actually enjoying the sensation. The turning point for her was the discovery of American fisting clips on the net. Especially the 'Klass Fist' series of real media files. This features a woman talking her female partner through single & double fisting. She orgasms a number of times while fisted & describes the feelings each time!
Since then, she has been the one asking me to stretch her EVERY time we have sex. If you want your partner to indulge in fisting with you you have to convince them that the feeling is worth it!
Although we have yet to achieve a complete fist, I am confident that we will, because it is Shannon calling the shots now & I am certain that she wants to do this.
Thats my two cents worth.
C90Go

From: lynfield481 Sent: January 9, 2000 Message 14 of 15

Hi C90Go:

Could you give us an idea where to find these Klass Fist clips? I have done a quick search on AltaVista and Yahoo and come up empty. :-(

regards

From: C90Go Sent: January 10, 2000 Message 15 of 15

These Real Media clips appear pretty regularly on the 'alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.fisting' news group. In this form they are named klass fist...They have also appeared, in part, as MPEG files named Tushy&Tampa. If you have access to a decent newsgroup server, you shouldnt have much trouble getting them. I do not have them anymore as I need the hard drive space!
Best of luck
C90Go