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Message: Our sex life and how it influences the rest of our life

From: Joe Sent: 5 Sep. 2002 Message 1 of 8

Hi Bitmap,

Thanks for the message you posted on the other thread. I've copied your text to this message since it seemed like it could be the starting point for a new discussion:

"Hi Joe,

The user ID does stand for raster images. When the internet became available to me at work 14 years ago I picked that ID for lack of anything better. I grew up in the CB radio days and figured the web would work almost the same.

I have been a computer graphics person since converting from conventional photography to digital in the late 80's. Now I do more training, network admin and digital video than large plotter printing and photography. I still maintain a conventional darkroom/photolab but it's being phased out. I have replaced the B & W printing with a quad ink grayscale printer.

When I have the time and the need, I do 3D animations for work. Real life does take up a lot of time. I will admit that BDSM helped in coping with merging several types of graphics and media skills into one operation. I run the lab by myself and have over 30 fulltime customers. I hope to get some help by May.

On the side I do websites for adult toys and other interesting things.

Bitmap"

I was especially intrigued by this statement:

> I will admit that BDSM helped in coping with merging several types of graphics and media skills into one operation.

Would you mind elaborating?

And as a general subject for discussion, how do our sex lives influence and interact with the rest of our lives? I'm sure we can all agree that having a good sex life makes us more relaxed and should thus make it easier for us to cope with the rest of our lives. Or does having a problematic or non-existent sex life make us more competitive and perhaps more successful in our work life?

Does having an advanced sex life (fisting, BDSM, swinging, you name it) make us behave differently in the rest of our lives? Your somewhat cryptic statement seems to imply that you think so, Bitmap.

Any opinions, anyone?

From: bitmap Sent: 6 Sep. 2002 Message 2 of 8

In BDSM, the submissive is the one who derives most of the pleasure from the Dom. The majority of the Doms/Tops take longer to obtain satisfaction from play. One reason is the amount of creative work and concentration needed to keep the submissive pleasured.

Once the control is achived, the Dom becomes more confident in playing and taking command. Beginning Doms are usually played by the submissive. The knows the level they can take, the Dom holds back due to fear of hurting the submissive. As confidence is built-up, the Dom take a more pro-active role in control. The Dom becomes firm but loving.

The same thing applies to real life. A lot of people are plagued by some a-hole in the work place. As a Dom with real flogs, paddles and clamps, I know I can give both pleasure or pain. I treat these people as I would any submissive. If you want my attention then give me the respect. Size people up and test your limits with them. Do not let them think they can push you over. Of course don't make a jerk of yourself.

No, is a very powerful word. Use it often to control those who waste your time. Take charge of your life. Go out of your way to help those people who respect you. In the long run you will make more friends.

The main point is attitude and confidence building. As a fister, you know that can bring any woman to her ultimate orgasam. When it comes to "locker room" talk, you don't even need to say a word. You know how good you are. That reflects in this site as well. I have not seen anyone brag about how good they are at sex. As a fister, we know.

I hope this sort of explains things. I didn't want to spend a lot of time trying to explain via the site but if you do have more questions I will happy to respond.

Bitmap

From: Joe Sent: 7 Sep. 2002 Message 3 of 8

Dear Bitmap,

Thanks for your response. What you say does make a lot of sense.

I know that for me becoming a good lover, first to some extent with my previous wife, and then in a very big way together with Cindy, resulted in a great improvement in my self-confidence. For Cindy the same was true - experiencing a good sex life for the first time in her life was also a great self-confidence-builder.

For us (mostly for me I suppose) as the next step Cindy and I would like to try playing around with threesome sex. We've tried it once before for a short period and liked it (especially me), but since then we haven't been able to find the "right" woman to try it with again. Maybe we're too choosey. It has to be a woman who is interested in this activity with us, of course, but also someone that both of us can like and respect as a person. Ah well, maybe someday.

It would be nice if there were other members who felt like participating in this discussion. How do you see your sex life affecting the rest of your life? Has achieving certain "goals" sexually changed the rest of your life?

Joe

From: Shy Girl Freak Sent: 9 Sep. 2002 Message 4 of 8

Hello all,
of course I must also respond. I really liked the answers that both bitmap and joe talked about in here. I have been both the dom in my sex life and the submissive depending on who I was with. I keep it to myself as you said there is not need to brag about anyhthing. But in my life it seemed I fufilled alot of mens fantasies and mine were somewhat left to wander in my imgination until I also met my husband. he has fufilled me in every way possible and still amazes me now.
I agree that with a certain level of satisfaction in your sex life you learn to be confident but also you learn to be fufilled thus giving a sense of peace in your life. I know when I come home that all is wonderful and that makes me feel more relaxed also when I have great sex I am more able to deal with the pressures of being a buisness owner.I guess it has made me a better person in that I am just so relaxed and do not feel all of the pressure like I used to when I was in unfufilled relationships. I have also practiced a little thing called brinking in my sex life and it has also taught me gret contorl over my own body and what orgasms. All BDSM will know what this is I am sure.
Any way that is my take on it I think our sex lives do make a substantial impact for the better or worse depending on the type of life you lead. Sincerely SHY

From: Joe Sent: 10 Sep. 2002 Message 5 of 8

Dear "Shy girl freak",

Thanks for your message.

> I have also practiced a little thing called brinking in my sex life ...

OK, I'll bite. What does "brinking" mean?

Joe

From: Shy Girl Freak Sent: 28 Sep. 2002 Message 6 of 8

Sorry,
I have been unable to find this after I posted and now I will respond. BRINKING is where you hold back your orgasm to gain better control. I know in BDSM the dom makes the sub hold back until he or she tells them they can get off! It is a good way to learn control for both men and women but the trick is to get yourself as close as possible to achieveing orgasm then stop it and to do this several times until you can not handle it. It makes for better orgasms but does take some practice. I found that by doing this it makes my orgasms way stronger and really knocks me off my feet. LOL. I recommend it to any woman who wants to learn the ultimate orgasm !!! Hope thqat explains it enough for ya. Sincerely SHY

From: Cindy Sent: 29 Sep. 2002 Message 7 of 8

Dear "Shy girl freak",

As Joe mentioned earlier, experiencing a great sex life together with Joe certainly improved the quality of my life. Prior to that I'd not had any really good sex, partly because of my own inhibitions, and had thought that all the stories of how wonderful sex could be was hype.

The talk about BDSM on this thread is interesting. (What does "BDSM" stand for, anyway? Bondage, domination, sadism, masochism?). Joe and I play around a bit with mild bondage and mental domination games occasionally so I understand the excitement that one experiences in sexual role-playing.

But I don't think "brinking" is for me. Too often I experience that when I try to hold back and delay an orgasm that it simply slips away, and is gone. Very frustrating! So I prefer to "get it while I can", as good old Janis Joplin said. (Oops, I guess I'm dating myself.)

I have my own way of getting the really big orgasms occasionally, as I've described in that story I wrote long ago.

Love,
Cindy

From: Shy Girl Freak Sent: 1 Oct. 2002 Message 8 of 8

Cindy,
Yes I know what you mean about holding back it took me many years to be able not to loose my orgasm completely and be frustrated with it totally. But it does come if your diligent enough. I really do not know what BDSM means it is not something I practice other than this little excercise and I never knew that was a thing of BDSM until I read it on the net once.
But Brinking is something that you learn like fisting it takes patience and an incredible giofted lover to keep your oeak there for a long time so as to keep orgasm always on the edge for you.
There are times though when holding back just does not suffice and I must also get it while the gettin is good. But it depends on the mood and how long it has been since i got it. Chow SHY