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Message: Is fisting a "fetish"?

From: Joe Sent: 27 Aug. 2000 Message 1 of 6

Our favorite member, Zappaz, often refers to fisting as a "fetish". This has always surprised me a bit - I'd never thought of using that word in association with fisting.

Just out of curiosity I've looked "fetish" up in the on-line Merriam-Webster dictionary. Here's what it says:

Main Entry: fe·tish
Variant(s): also fe·tich /'fe-tish also 'fE-/
Function: noun
Etymology: French & Portuguese; French fétiche, from Portuguese feitiço, from feitiço artificial, false, from Latin facticius factitious
Date: 1613
1 a : an object (as a small stone carving of an animal) believed to have magical power to protect or aid its owner; broadly : a material object regarded with superstitious or extravagant trust or reverence b : an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : PREPOSSESSION c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
2 : a rite or cult of fetish worshipers
3 : FIXATION

To me a "fetish" is something like having a thing about feet or garter belts. I don't see fisting as a "fetish" because it's an activity.

Joe

From: zappaz1 Sent: 27 Aug. 2000 Message 2 of 6

Thank you Joe for calling the usage of the word fetish to my attention. I use the term loosely in the sense that people are attracted to or tend more to have a fixation on some particular body part or a particular activity than others. This is the No. 3. Fixation definition above.. as is usually associated with sexual activities that are called "fetishes". Fixation (or obsession) may be too strong a word for our activity, and I will abstain from using it in the future. Certainly some of us including myself are obsessed with this form of sexual activity, and I consider myself to have a vaginal fisting-stretching fetish. I am not ashamed of it however. Even the fantasy part it I enjoy :-) This fixation or obsession in my case is benign and definitely not a sadistic fetish. Just as some people have a fixation (or obsession) with missionary position penile sex, I have a fixation or obsession with "this" variety of sexual activity. Because the word "fetish" has also been associated with activities that some people decry (certainly and definitely not by me) such as "foot fetish", boot fetish, anal fetish, oral fetish, whip fetish, s&m fetish, bondage fetish, breast fetish, and many others, I would not like to place our activity in those same categories by association. I think our activity is far superior when carried to the degree of being a fixation, obsession or fetish :-) I know that some (and possibly many) of us here have no real obsession with this activity.. so that is another reason I will refrain from referring to vaginal fisting-stretching as a fetish.. at least for purposes of this Club.

From: otticat Sent: 27 Aug. 2000 Message 3 of 6

I think that it's interesting that the word fetish can be associated with any sexual behavior beyond heterosexual intercourse in the missionary position. I've often seen fisting described as a fetish or an extreme form of sex, but to me it's just one of the many things my wife and I enjoy in our sex life.

Paul

From: zappaz1 Sent: 27 Aug. 2000 Message 4 of 6

My apology to the Club: The use of language changes and what was once called any sexual fetish many years ago has changed. It was once used to describe something "unhealthy" either mentally, physically or both (in other words, some prudish "dirty sex"). That has gradually changed. In recent years the word "fetish" as applied to sex, is used to describe almost any activity that is very strong and dominant in ones activity other than the standard most common forms of sexual activity. Certainly vaginal fisting-stretching is not now an activity that is the most common in the statistical sense. Recent usage had tended to drop the "prudish" opinions. I have been calling our activity a "fetish".. only in that sense. When the predisposition and obsession tends to become the predominant sexual activity I have been using the word "fetish". In some that like this activity, it is not an obsession and is not their predominant sexual activity. It happens to be "my fetish". I wish to apologize to anyone whom I may have offended by calling our activity a fetish, and certainly did not mean it in the very old definition sense. I only meant to use it in the newer (or statistical) usage of the word. To some here, this is only an occasional activity and I realize for them I should not call it "their fetish". In the future (on this Club) I will just call what we do as an "activity", which is less specific in the minds of some, and has no specific connotations.. not even sexual ones :-

From: Joe Sent: 27 Aug. 2000 Message 5 of 6

No need to apologize, Zappaz. I just found your use of the word "fetish" surprising. It didn't bother me. And I was curious as to what other members might think.

From: EdandNat Sent: 28 Aug. 2000 Message 6 of 6

Call it what you want - fetish, activity, whatever - it still takes total devotion from both partners and enjoyed by both partners. But whatever you do, zappaz, please don't apologize for your interpretation or presentation in words, just express yourself and hopefully the rest of us will do the same. It may not necessarily be a fetish but may be a deeper expression of sharing and emotion than a "normal" sexual relationship would entail. Thank you for your input, your ideas, and your knowledge and always look forward to your messages.